The rats ate the ganja, Your Honour

There is a faraway country where every silence is punctuated by the sound of man’s best friend chewing dutifully on man’s child’s homework notebook. Where everyone has an infinite number of dead grandmothers. Where every adult gets food poisoning on Monday morning. This country has its own currency, called the “doctor’s note”. The justice system there faces a serious challenge: Police stations are besieged by legions of rodents in cahoots with criminal gangs, seeking to eat the evidence.

The rats appear to have tunnelled their way to a victory in Jharkhand, where they supposedly ate 200 kg of ganja that was part of the evidence in a drugs case. Acquitting the accused last month, a court referred to a station diary entry noting the gnawing of the ganja. “This casts a suspicion on the very seizure of the case and its handling by the police,” the court said. However, there are precedents. In Mathura in 2022, the rats reportedly destroyed more than 500 kg of confiscated cannabis according to the police. In Houston, Texas, the police realised in 2024 that “the rats were the only ones enjoying” the marijuana they had in storage. A report quoted the CEO of the Houston Forensic Science Centre as saying, “Think about it, they are drug-addicted rats. They’re tough to deal with.”

If drug-addicted rats are a menace, they have to be weeded out. But the facts must first be established. There have surely been canines who enjoyed a well-written essay, so there’s a case to be made here. Or perhaps it’s a tale from that other country.

Overall Analysis

This editorial is a satirical commentary on the absurd explanations often offered by law enforcement and authorities to cover up institutional failure. It opens with a deliberately exaggerated, fictional description of a country where excuses are routine and accountability is scarce. By invoking familiar, everyday alibis — dead grandmothers, food poisoning, chewed homework — the author sets a humorous yet biting tone that prepares the reader for the real issue: implausible claims in the justice system.

The core of the editorial revolves around real incidents in India and abroad where rats were blamed for consuming large quantities of seized ganja kept as evidence. The language here is dryly ironic. By calmly narrating the Jharkhand court case and similar precedents in Mathura and Houston, the writer exposes how such explanations strain credibility while still being officially recorded and accepted. The quoted judicial observation — that the situation casts doubt on the seizure itself — reinforces the editorial’s implicit argument: these excuses erode trust in policing and evidence handling.

The final paragraph sharpens the satire. Phrases like “drug-addicted rats” and “weeded out” play on double meanings, mocking both the narrative and the seriousness with which it is presented by authorities. The editorial stops short of making a direct accusation; instead, it relies on irony and understatement to suggest that such stories insult public intelligence and point to deeper problems of negligence or corruption.

Overall, the author uses humour as a weapon of critique, making the editorial entertaining while delivering a serious message about accountability in the criminal justice system.

Important Vocabulary (5)

1. Besieged – surrounded or overwhelmed by something hostile.
2. Cahoots – secret cooperation, often for wrongdoing.
3. Gnawing – biting or chewing persistently.
4. Acquitting – declaring someone not guilty in a court of law.
5. Menace – a threat or danger.

Conclusion & Tone

The editorial highlights how farcical explanations weaken the credibility of law enforcement and the justice system. By presenting real incidents through sharp satire, it urges readers to question official narratives and demand greater accountability.

Tone: Witty, sarcastic, and sharply critical, using humour and irony to expose systemic shortcomings.